“I might say something stupid” is the 4th song on Charli xcx’s album BRAT. Released in 2024, BRAT finds Charlotte Aitchison at significant personal and professional crossroads.
Charlotte is in her early 30s and on the song “I think about it all the time”, she contemplates whether she wants to live a different life and become a mother before she “runs out of time”. The career that keeps her from becoming a mother is also at a potentially pivotal moment. While Charli xcx has experienced fantastic success compared to virtually all musicians, none of her previous albums have resulted in pop superstardom. If this album falls short of her expectations, will she decide to walk away? If it succeeds, will she be able to?
Before we see how these dynamics relate to “I may something stupid”, I encourage you to listen to the song first, preferably with your eyes closed, and then once again after reading this.
Verse 1
I might say something stupid
Talk to myself in the mirror
Wear these clothes as disguise
Just to re-enter the party
Door is open, let in but still outside
I look perfect for the background
I get nervous, sip the wine
The song opens with a somber piano melody and a few flourishes reminiscent of drops of water falling into a lake in a large, dimly lit cave. There are few other sounds in the entire song, creating a general feeling of bleakness.
Lyrically the song begins with Charlotte voicing a near-universal fear of saying “something stupid”. This line brilliantly creates instant empathy with the audience and overcomes any aversion we may have to the bleary backdrop. Also, by voicing something that is usually not said aloud, she primes the listener to expect a more reflective song.
“Talk to myself in the mirror” and “wear these clothes as disguise” are also relatable, but their real strength is conveying that Charlotte is hyper-aware of a disconnect between how she sees herself and how others see her. We intuit that this case of mistaken identity is a source of suffering for Charlotte because of a few clues. On the subtler side, the word “disguise” generally has a negative connotation and there is an absence of celebratory or positive elements to refute that interpretation. A bit more obvious is when Charlotte sings the word “mirror” we hear the audio effect of auto-tune for the first time, which literally sounds clipped, distorted, and inharmonious. If there is discomfort, then why, we wonder, does the singer continue to put on a disguise?
The next line tells us the disguise is needed “just to re-enter the party”. The singer is not welcome to come as herself. The “just” here also hints at some contempt, “just” is what one says when they feel they are getting a bad deal. The party is not worth it, yet she still goes.
At the party Charlotte does not feel like she belongs. She is “still outside”, “looks perfect for the background”, and admits “I get nervous, sip the wine”. Tension is building and we hope for some sort of resolution as we come to the chorus.
Chorus
I go so cold, I go so cold
‘Cause I don’t know if I belong here anymore, I
In the chorus, Charlotte seems to have a moment of clarity. There is the clear acknowledgement of something uncomfortable and the coldness often associated with such moments.
Yet Charlotte does not leave the party. Part of her realizes she likely does not belong, but the “I don’t know” suggests a lack of conviction to act upon it.
We leave the chorus with Charlotte having made some progress by seeing her problem more clearly, but the tension is unresolved and we wonder what it will take to get her to act as verse 2 begins.
Verse 2
I don’t feel like nothing special
I snag my tights out on the lawn chair
Guess I’m a mess and play the role
Used to live just for the party
Door is open, I’m famous but not quite
But I’m perfect for the background
Onе foot in a normal life
Again, the verse opens with Charlotte expressing a near-universal sentiment. If we were at all frustrated at the singer for not leaving the party, this rekindles our empathy.
The second line is wonderful in how it shocks us by virtue of its novelty–it feels like a lyric that’s never been said before–yet, despite its uniqueness, the recognizable feeling of embarrassment shines through.
The third line reaffirms Charlotte’s awareness of the disconnect between who she actually is and how others at the party see her. It also hints at how powerful and persistent stereotypes can be–this wasn’t an innocent accident, it must have been sloopy negligence.
In the next line the Charlotte admits she “used to live just for the party”, which helps us understand how she came to be in this predicament. She used to love this lifestyle and is understandably having a hard time letting go.
The last 3 lines of the song provide hope that Charlotte can escape the party–a metaphor for celebrity–since she is aware of being not quite famous enough to belong and already has “one foot in a normal life”.
However, when we zoom out the last 3 lines–and the entire song– become less hopeful and more tragic. BRAT is an enormous success and the forces pulling Charli xcx into the foreground of celebrity are stronger than ever before. Will Charlotte be able to walk away to live a normal life? Or will she follow up on her success with another album and another tour?
Only time will tell.