“Emily I’m Sorry” by boygenius is a slow, quiet song. The lyrics are faint, almost whispered. It’s the type of song that’s often played in the background–on a road trip or while cooking breakfast.
It’s also the type of song where if you make the effort to listen deeply, you are rewarded with some superb lyricism. Give the song a listen once or twice, and then let’s dissect.
Verse 1
She’s asleep in the backseat
Looking peaceful enough to me
But she’s waking up inside a dream
Full of screeching tires and fire
We’re coming back from where no one lives
Pretty much just veterans
When I pointed out where the North Star is
She called me a fucking liar
The first line is uttered just 9 seconds into the song. The tone of the music is undetermined and the first two lines are also ambiguous. “‘Asleep in the backseat” and “looking peaceful” evokes positive associations, yet it’s not clear how the singer feels about this person–you could also say these lines about someone you dislike.
The tone shift from “peaceful”‘ to “screeching tires and fire”‘ grabs our attention and implies that the singer does seem to know this person quite well–well enough to know the content of their dreams. This is reinforced by the mention of a road-trip to someplace “where no one lives”, which is the type of trip you would only do with someone close to you.
The last line of the verse is “she called me a fucking liar” and it is another shocking reveal. “Fucking liar” is not something said playfully; it is spiteful and hints at deep resentment. This is clearly not a healthy relationship.
Yet we can’t help but wonder whether the passenger really said this. It feels like a drastic escalation to something as trivial as lying about the location of the North Star. Did the singer invent extra flourish to convince us that the passenger is a hateful person? Or is the singer unable to contain their bitterness when reflecting on this past relationship?
Either way the singer’s credibility is called into question and while we have a clear sense of tension, there’s so much we don’t know–how did they get here? What happens next? Whose to blame?
The mystery leaves us wanting more.
Chorus
Emily, I’m sorry I just
Make it up as I go along
And I can feel myself becoming
Someone only you could want
The chorus seems to answer the question of ‘whose to blame?’ The singer apologizes, admits to lying, and changing their identity. The absence of any blame for the passenger is notable.
The line “becoming someone only you could want” sounds romantic at first, but upon further examination it becomes deeply unsettling. Changing your personality for someone else is already fraught, but if the changes result in only one person liking you the changes are not only for the worse, but catastrophic. It means you are so un-likeable that the only person who could want you is someone already deeply entangled with you.
The chorus gives us a better sense of the source of the tension and a premonition towards dissolution.
Verse 2
Headed straight for the concrete
In a nightmare, screaming
Now I’m wide awake, spiraling
And you don’t want to talk
Just take me back to Montreal
I’ll get a real job, you’ll go back to school
We can burn out in the freezing cold
And just get lost
The second verse does not contain any major revelations, but it does make the story seem more real by providing more details and the non-linear narrative parallels the messiness of relationships and memory.
It also leads us to feel more confident in our belief that the singer is to blame and an unreliable narrator. The singer is struggling with bad dreams, longing to get back together, and ruminating in half-baked what-if scenarios.
Chorus (expanded)
Emily, I’m sorry, baby
You know how I get when I’m wrong
And I can feel myself becoming
Somebody I’m not, I’m not, so
Emily, forgive me, can we
Make it up as we go along?
I’m twenty-seven and I don’t know who I am
But I know what I want
New lines are added to the chorus and familiar lines are tweaked to great effect. We regain some sympathy for the singer. They are still to blame, but they are also young, remorseful, and hopeful.
Conclusion
The song ends and we aren’t sure how to feel. The singer seems to be guilty of ruining their relationship, but their struggles with identity and growing up are both relatable and forgivable. Are we certain this relationship wouldn’t work out if given a second chance? Don’t we also feel deserving of a second chance?
This story is gray, messy, and unresolved–just like real life. That is one of the many reasons why I appreciate the songwriting of Phoebe Bridgers.